Jesus Christ of Silicon Valley On Lean In Manifesto For Women

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2013 07 08 21 11 06

Humor Tumblr blog Jesus Christ, Silicon Valley uses Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In” manifesto as an excuse to paint incredibly realistic renditions of Sand Hill Road’s venture capitalist innovation warriors, and their offices. It’s funny because it’s true.

He points out that VC offices are full of women:

VCs have more females per capita than any other workplace. Entering a VC firm is like being Robert Palmer in his “Simply Irresistible” music video (that sound you just heard was the collective whoosh from every YC “founder”). Within seconds you’re surrounded by women offering you water, validating your parking, getting the appropriate laptop dongle from the dongle drawer, wiping away your chorizo remains.

…none of these women are in actual meetings, of course.

Some days its tough being a VC:

- Sit-in on (half of) a pitch meeting, adding value with every value-adding breath. Also: enjoying a chorizo omelet.
- Devour daily Flipboard to maintain finger on the Fucking Pulse.
- Publicly Tweet other Valley ‘made men.’ Tally Favorites and Retweets to determine daily self-worth.
- Lunch with some founder. Rule: if founder is rich enough to not need venture capital, do whatever you can to get in the round. “Chad Hurley’s doing online taxidermy? I’m in.”
- Phone wife to say you are too busy to make it home by bedtime — gotta work a “deal” at the Rosewood — gently shutting her up by reminding her about hybrid Lexus SUV, second home in Tahoe and Carmelita the housekeeper/nanny/chef. (Note: Carmelita is also leaning in… on her fucking mop, that is, so she can keep her kids barely housed in a market that caters to the pedantic concerns of the wealthy while zoning-out every possible lower-class incursion. But they can still watch our kids and shit, you know, so long as they don’t qualify for benefits.)
- Tweet a couple of links to portfolio companies’ products that you have’t tried, but must be absolutely killing it because the number of registered users doesn’t lie.
- Read the week’s most-heavily tweeted HBR article. Continuing education is a bitch!
- Use Retina Macbook’s spacebar to Quick-Look three pitch decks.